What if you had a perfectly nice California Center for the Arts, Escondido to sell and nobody wanted to buy it

Presenting three variations of a comedic theme…(Three AI versions of the same story illustrating different approaches for experimental purposes.)

(Jerry Seinfeld) So the California Center for the Arts, Escondido, right? It’s losing money. Big surprise. The city decides, ‘Hey, let’s find someone new to run this thing!’ So they open it up—anyone, step right up, take a shot!

And you know how many takers they got? One. One! And guess who it was? The same nonprofit that’s already running the place! That’s like throwing a housewarming party and only your roommate shows up.

The city thought they’d get all these proposals—people would be lining up. They even set up a special committee to sift through all the offers. Then the deadline hits, they open the envelope… and it’s just the same guy saying, ‘Yeah, we’ll keep doing it.’

And there was one other place that showed some interest—Cal State San Marcos. They took a tour, looked around, and apparently said, ‘Eh, you know what? We’re good.’

So now the city’s like, ‘Wait, what do we do now? We planned for a whole selection process, but there’s no one to select!’ It’s like planning a talent show, and only one guy signs up—so, congratulations, you’re the winner!

Escondido City Council has scheduled a visioning workshop for noon Feb. 12 in the Mitchell Room at City Hall to discuss how to use Measure I funding and other issues.

And why are they doing all this? Because the Arts Center keeps losing money. They patched it up with some federal funds, but that’s running out. Then in November, they passed Measure I—a new sales tax—and now they’re wondering, ‘Hey, maybe this can cover the losses?’

So now they’re having a visioning workshop—because nothing says ‘we don’t really know what to do’ like a visioning workshop! That’s government talk for ‘Let’s all get in a room and hope someone has an idea.’

It’s gonna be at noon on Feb. 12, if you wanna watch a bunch of people figure out how to pay for an arts center that nobody else wants to run. Should be a great show.

Ohhh, the California Center for the Arts, Escondido

Escondido students get ready for the seventh annual smART Festival at California Center for the Arts, March 30, 2019/Escondido Union School District

(George Carlin) You ever notice how these city leaders always act surprised when their half-baked plans don’t work out? Like they just discovered that running an arts center costs money? Ohhh no, who could’ve seen this coming?!

So, here’s the deal: the California Center for the Arts in Escondido is bleeding cash. The city geniuses decide, ‘Hey, let’s find someone new to run this thing!’—because nothing solves financial mismanagement like bringing in another manager to mismanage it.

They send out a request for proposals, expecting a stampede of eager applicants. What do they get? One. Uno. The same nonprofit that’s already running the place! That’s like putting up a ‘Help Wanted’ sign at a burger joint and the fry cook just slides his own application across the counter. ‘Yeah, I’ll do it… still.’

And the only other outfit that showed interest? Cal State San Marcos. They took a tour, looked around, maybe checked under the couch cushions for extra funding, and said, ‘Nah, we’re good.’

So now the city’s in a pickle. They were planning this whole ‘review and selection’ process—gonna have a committee, make a big show of it—and now they’re stuck reviewing a one-horse race. You don’t need a committee for that! You need a rubber stamp and a lunch break!

And why is this happening? Because, shocker, the arts center is a money pit. Always has been, always will be. But wait! They found a temporary solution—good ol’ Uncle Sam threw some cash at them through the American Rescue Plan Act. Problem is, that’s like putting a band-aid on a bullet wound. The library gets two years of funding, the Arts Center gets one, and after that, who knows? Maybe a bake sale?

Then in November, the city slaps a shiny new sales tax—Measure I—on the people. ‘It’s a deficit solution!’ they say. Translation: ‘We keep screwing up, and now you have to pay for it!’

And now—oh, this is rich—now they’re holding a visioning workshop! You ever notice governments love these? ‘Visioning’—sounds fancy, doesn’t it? It’s not a ‘meeting’ or a ‘discussion’—it’s a workshop! You know what a visioning workshop really is? It’s where a bunch of overpaid officials sit around and try to imagine a way out of the mess they created.

So, if you got nothing better to do at noon on February 12, head over to City Hall and watch a bunch of bureaucrats stare at each other and try to figure it out.

Aight, so check this out

Stilt-walker Jay Seven, left, with artist Erika San Luis Holly present Holly’s “Alice in wonderland”-inspired floral creation during a gallery preview party and fundraiser at the California Center for the arts, Escondido in May 2016.

(Dave Chappelle) Escondido, California, they was out here stressing, tryna figure out who’s gonna run their fancy arts center. ‘Cause let’s be real, the place was leaking money like a dude with bad credit at a strip club.

But then, boom, they bring in Gina Lopez, and she’s like, “Nah, we ain’t doing this broke nonsense no more.” First thing she did? She kicked Theatricals out the house like they was an unemployed cousin sleeping on the couch. I mean, how you gonna keep a program that’s losing a million dollars a year? That’s not a theater, that’s a GoFundMe that don’t work!

And the city wasn’t doing much better—budget was lookin’ funny, money was lookin’ tight. They were out here like, “Yo, we need someone else to run this place.” So they put out the call, and guess who showed up? Only the foundation that’s already running it! That’s like putting your girl back on Tinder and realizing ain’t nobody else tryna date her.

Now, here’s the plot twist—Escondido folks came through with Measure I, a one-cent sales tax, and suddenly the city got $28 million a year coming in. That’s like when you find out your broke uncle hit the lottery—everybody eating now! That tax money alone is more than enough to cover what the city was paying for the arts center. And now, instead of being down $480K, the center got $752K in reserves! That’s a glow-up if I ever seen one.

So, long story short—Escondido thought they was gonna have to start over, but turns out all they had to do was stop doing dumb sh*t. Now, if only the rest of the country could figure that out..